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Cannascopes September 2021
Discover Your Fortune!
Aries - You'd be mostly OK with having to return to work if it wasn't for that morning poop.
Taurus - Your gym will totally understand you canceling the membership, seeing as they’ve seen you a total of no times.
Gemini - You were hoping the technician would be able to fix your blue tooth, but apparently you actually need an oral surgeon.
Cancer - As you blow your candles out, you'll pose for a selfie with your only remaining post-pandemic pals: your bong, dab rig, and Sherlock.
Leo - You were all excited about your new semi truck until you realized, woah, it takes a special license to drive these things!
Virgo - Off in the distance, thunder. You’re sitting alone, in the dark, across from a Snickers bar. And things are about to get real bad for the Snickers.
Libra - You'll know you're getting old when your freaky sneeze makes the children cry.
Scorpio - The cicadas' death will bring upon a glorious autumn silence until your neighbor loses his mind and gets out the theremin.
Sagittarius - At first you'll feel guilt for accidentally running the creature over, until you realize, it's that bastard faun who betrayed your family.
Capricorn - You thought it’d be easy to coordinate activities for the seniors, but they’re growing real bored of Rock Paper Scissors.
Aquarius - Although amazed by your sudden engineering, your spouse won’t take kindly to having their CPAP machine into an eBong.
Pisces - The munchkins’ chant from your dream, “Giblets, Goblets and Goo!” will haunt you as you ride into town, terrified of what awaits you next.
Last modified on Monday, 20 January 2025
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