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Cannascopes: Discover Your Fortune!

Cannascopes: Discover Your Fortune!
Posted by CANNASaver on Thursday, 25 April 2024 in Dispatches from the Highlands

The zodiac, demystified.

Aries - The whole world would be awestruck to know you’re wearing an Apple Vision Pro, except maybe the person you’re operating on. 

Taurus - It’s not the Star Trek jumpsuits disorienting your colleagues, but that thing where you cut out the fabric to expose your hairy pits.

Gemini - You can’t get high off one hit on a Sprite can just minutes before your sister’s big wedding, but dadgummit, you’re gonna try.

Cancer - You can finally admit it. David Bryne dancing makes you physically nauseous. 

Leo - Making out with a flag doesn’t necessarily mean you love that country, even if it did have your baby. 

Virgo - Well, lucky you, you’re apparently the only one in a zillion people who gets utterly and unexpectedly chubby on Ozempic.

Libra - As the spaceship floated over the fire hydrant, you were filled with wonder about how they got the water in that hydrant. 

Scorpio - As your blind date is pointing out between hurls, not everyone is a fan of your “natural odors.” 

Sagittarius - You will begin to develop gills from sitting too long in the inflatable hot tub.

Capricorn - Your best friend may be a giant brain in a tank, but at least there’s no way he can steal your wife and house this time. 

Aquarius - The Pantene Pro-V is really making a difference. Too bad you can’t show anyone your four-inch pubes.

Pisces - You almost fooled them, and you would’ve gotten away with egregious estate fraud, if you weren’t trying to sell a cardboard house.

Last modified on Monday, 20 January 2025
Tagged in: humor

Weed Deals Near Me View All

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